And silly me, I was waiting for his reply all night.I know hes got alot to deal with rn and all Im asking for is a time-to-time update so I can be at peace.Is that too much to ask for? Not ever. Where Im at in my life, after 5 years, if Im not a fianc, Im gone. Each weekend he has been helping his DJ friend ( his BFF), or going out with best buddies. Thank you for being here, and for being so honest about your relationship difficulties! Somewhere around the last 2-3 months have been nothing but fights. Ive communicated everything and yet nothing. Hes a year above me, so he went to the senior high and I still went to the junior high (sophomore and freshman) and he would go out of his way because his school got out earlier, he would walk to the junior high and meet me after school and wed walk home. Ive mentioned his lack of effort and he did take it on bored but recently Im seeing a slip into his old ways. As stated above, knowing what your boyfriend is going through (ex trauma, personal grief, work load) is important and all, but also knowing how you would act if you were in a similar situation gives you answers and peace. His attitude stinks toohe laughs in my face when I get upset by this. Is like he is taking his frustration with having no control at work out on me. You Are Very Possessive & Insecure about Him. For our year and a half anniversary I didnt have money at the time and we were fighting a lot but I made him a good luck bracelet and wrote him a very personal card. Try not to get upset, irritated, or emotional. Im hoping this isnt becoming a pattern. Its a long distance relationship, we live 2 hours away from each other. I didnt see him so I thought maybe he didnt want to show up. When leaving to go home, 98% of time, he kisses me passionately and holds me tight. I literally had to make the dinner reservation for us. Misery loves company, I guess, because I am so damn happy to know that someone else is suffering the same as me and now I dont feel just so alone. MY BOYFRIEND AN I HAVE 2 KIDS TOGETHER AND WE BOTH WORK. Wanting me to be available for him. He didnt get me anything. He told me the other day if you dont like the way I am, then leave me. It was over a year ago that I asked my boyfriend if he would take me out on a date, but it never happen. Im so tired picking up after someone that cant even lift a finger to help me clean the mess he made. Me and him were in that I rlly like you stage lol. He has lost interest in everything. We have had problems in the past about him flirting with girls on social media but never that Ive known for him to actually meet someone and get their number and asking her out. Hurt Feelings. Despite me working on being explicitly clear- he still hasnt been willing or able to meet my needs. Okay it became a longer answer than I expected! We havent been fighting everyday. he nvr suprises me, nvr rlly care if im okay or not. He said he loved me pretty much from the beginning, but never made an effort to see me or make plans unless I suggested it. I feel you. But I understand coz hes really busy at work. Hes too shy to talk to you directly. I dont think he would see it this way at all. Im always the one asking him to do something, Im always planning my work schedules around his and swapping shifts etc I just feel like its so one sided sometimes. He had agreed we both need to be more positive and would be open to doing little exercises each day. I realized how I stopped wearing some clothes because he didnt like them, for example. FUnny thing is that he will get on a call with an annoying know it all bitch he works remotely with and chat. However, how do we Know that the ll will Change? Writing can help you discover if youre expecting too much, or if your boyfriend stopped making an effort because your relationship doesnt mean much to him. He knows more about me than I do apparently. Its just making me feel awful but its so difficult because he is my life Ive been with him that long and he is a sensitive person I dont want to hurt his feelings as he isnt bad at all hes just lazy, but I really feel like Im wasting my time now. Please help me , I have the same situation weve been dating for a year and 3 months and its the exact same way idky doe . He Wants You To Approach Him First. So many thoughts, so many scenarios. I got up today and did mine in bed, he continued browsing the web on his phone which is all he does now when we are together. The life situations just put our relationship to the side. Maybe he always expects you to be waiting for him, ready to do whatever he wants. The last 3 sentences are what I just told myself & did! Can Your Husbands Affair Be Good for Your Marriage? Ive bin going through a similar situation with a guy. Theres also a clear risk that hell, again, show you exactly how much he cares about you by not fighting for you. My issue lately is, he will tell me he will come to my house on Saturday after work, then later he will call and say he has to go get his dogs and pick them up. Start taking care of Yourself. So I stopped doing that and now treat him like just a friend. He knew my day was not going well and that I have dinner ready for him every single night and just once, I ask him to just do it for me! thank you so much for posting this article since i really need clarity for my mind . We only see each other every one or two weeks at the most. He tells me he is going to bed and we will talk about tomorrow. Covid has not helped at all. It only got better when the pandemic hit and it seemed like we wouldnt see each other very much although we live 10 minutes apart in different towns. Do I move the goal post so he can succeed? Youre boyfriend seems like a catfish. Theres no dignity or respect in how youre being treated. Now he wont go anywhere with me he wont touch me in front of anyone we dont do anything and he refuses to do anything fun the only thing we do is work he dont go to the kids is events or anything but it is X need something hell drop everything And do it. Recently we spoke after time a part and he said hed really change. I dont get any attention unless Im the first one to initiate things. I really love him and care for him. He is a very patient and calm person. How come? Or, ask them for more details. I visit him at work a couple nights a week and bring him dinner as he works second shift. Then we usually get in an argument and sometimes we break off for about a week. Things had been going really well during the time we decided to get back together and I thought things were really different. HE DOESNT TAKE THE TRASH OUT ANYMORE. I get it Im not a good gamer but I like the company. I love my boyfriend so much, weve been together for a year now. But its not ones job to fix me. kissing, hugging, sex, cuddling, EVERYTHING! Ive been with my boyfriend for 4 years. Its long distance and he is 8 hours ahead of me. If the boyfriend didnt do that and kept saying he did nothing wrong, maybe it is time you find someone who can truly respect the beautiful soul you are. Im an emotional person but I always try to talk and let him know Im upset so that he knows not to act a certain way. He avoided conversations about his feelings, and we struggled to communicate & resolve issues. We fight a lot almost every week because my needs are not met. Be happy with you. He has never had a serious relationship so he doesnt know that we could have gone through it together. Take matters into your own hands.be who you need for yourself, Love you and your son enough to care for your own needs. Sometimes when I try to kiss him he shoved me away. Is that just how things are going to go? I asked him a couple of times why he doesnt put any effort and he just told me since we live together I shouldnt have to and I get that point but it doesnt mean just completely give up on putting a effort into the relationship. There are plenty more examples. you can still offer him emotional support (from a distance) if he needs itgood luck, xoxo. Girl what? He is a mental health counselor and I am a registered nurse. And then when they do not respect those boundaries, I have a decision to make. I love him so much but just dont understand why he doesnt care when I am upset. Hi! Those arent just low relationship expectations, theyre unhealthy patterns of behavior. I dont know what to do. its just do not putting attention at all. I asked him to help me move to where he lives the first 2 times he said yes quickly.. But Im starting to realize my own self worth. I recently had to end it with my bf of two years . Not just his X But his friends to and the kids. But anyway recently it just feels like hes not trying to be romantic or even putting much in, Ik our situation is very complicated and he is probably dealing with his dad still but I have to help my nana everyday and I still make time for him, send him cute messages like I made some welsh cakes I was thinking I could drop some off and give you a little peck as kind of a joke and he just replied with no dont do that. I thought that would be an isolated incident but it happened again this weekend. If youre reading this article and the comments, Im sorry youre here. Dont ever think you are alone btw! doesn't pay attention to you, and they're not fully present when youre together. I hope you work things out- either way. If your boyfriend or others say that youre expecting too much, read 11 Ways to Stop Being the Clingy Girlfriend in a Relationship. I love him a lot- weve been together for 2.5 years- but Im starting to realize that despite my feelings for him, I cant continue on in the relationship if he isnt willing to understand my feelings and desires. And more likely, he wont change. I used to think eventually wed work through the kinks and finally stop arguing. I am experiencing the same situation too and it really hurts. This may be too shallow for some but I have never receive a single petal from my boyfriend lol. And hes unshowered and playing video games! So that could also be taking up his time and mind. About 3 weeks after, right after a fight we had after my bday, he told him he cant find them. Did your boyfriend stop making an effort because hes distracted or stressed about something else in his life? I may be demanding at times but I definitely know I deserve more than the effort hes willing to put in. Lets see whats they do. I havent felt loved in so long and ever since we started doing long distance, I feel like Im always putting in effort to do a lot of small things for him just to cheer him up but he doesnt think about doing anything special for me. Perhaps he thinks guys dont need to make an effort in relationships, and girlfriends should do all the work. He stopped foreplay. But when we got home, there was another fight awaiting us. This is good advice thanks, Ive been dating my boyfriend for six months now and its been a really hard couple of months for us. he felt i shifted too much of my attention to work and the kids and not enough to him. Things started getting better and then crashed on the rocks. I feel like my heart is breaking already, just waiting for the dreaded phone call to say he cant give me what I want when Ive said all I want is some time together an hour here or there, some texts to show he cares I dont feel its much but if its too much for him then I guess I need to accept things. I assumed I was losing my shit and being too emotional, but its the 70 hr work week and the MBA When you go without sleep for extended periods of time, you start developing symptoms that look similar to depression. Best wishes. From what i have learned about him, I know he is someone who does not really know what dating is. Just know youre not the only one feelings this Im not sure what is going on because I confront him about it and he says he just hasnt been on his phone. Again, thank you Sumiah and to the other ladies in this blog who support each other. I feel its all one sided. The sex? Im slowly giving up but everytime i try to let go he acts like he rlly loves me and he wants me back. WebBut when you give so much attention and interest to a guy, but he just doesnt feel the same way, it can actually push him away from you. Surprising me with letters, giving me flowers and just little things like opening the door for me. Not material things, but being romantic on special occasions. He also said he wouldnt be going into the shop that sold the tea I needed. It confuses us because we know the love ie there. I just feel stupid and I kinda want to give up on him. ? If they are willing- great! So guess what? ? line and starts listing all the nice things he did recently. I honestly think we have a future together, but Im not his priority right now and I wonder if the possible future is worth fighting for. Does Your Life Feel Pointless Without a Relationship? Just think about how you can start fresh with a new guy (or two) and pick out someone who will do things with you, cuddle and kiss on the couch, spend time searching for the perfect gift, and keep his word about when hes coming over. That should be enough. It's easy for people to say, "It's The lady was there, I was so angry, I wanted to punch her for lying tto me, but my guy was protecting her, he was even telling me to live his house, he humiliated me in front of her, he came last week to my place and tried explaining things, he even spent the night at my house, I feel so stupid, because he is not putting any effort to fix things between us, I feel so stupid for letting him spent the night in my house, why do I still love him even after he has clearly heart broken me, will I ever move from this nightmare? but thats what made me fall in love with him and now that i feel like the efforts arent made or not even made but not wanted, not driven, not desired as he felt before. Which I practically felt alone and excited to do things by myself. Hes shows effort but due to my insecurities I overthink when I stop seeing the efforts and assume the worst. We are in LDR. Its now Tuesday, nothing. I still feel like he is lacking in effort in me and the relationship. We spent four weekends together at his place and virtually every day together on a mutual project for a month. Ive been with my boyfriend since July of 2020. That said, he told me hes doing a lot better now and hes still acting distant. Now, he doesnt put effort. So, my boyfriend and i have known each other our entire lives. It was all too perfect in the beginning and I was fearful. You can change how you respond to your boyfriend and everything else in your life. I really need an outlet! But yeah, we talk more and sometimes I struggle to text back too since I work full time now! Although I told him busy isnt excuse but he never changed his reasons, every time when I want wend the relationship, he replies straight away and tell me he dream about me, desire me etc. Another thing is that my relationship with him heavily influenced my religion. In fact, he rejects them flat out. You wish your boyfriend was as attentive and loving as he was at the beginning of your relationship. Were both in high school now. He says I cant accept him for who he is because he had been this way all his life, but I tried to explain that its taking a toll on me. He said that the only thing I require of him is to give me attention. He never seems to try, you know. But for him, anniversaries are pointless. Hes doing it deliberately. It wasnt any thing bad. to think I was already 32 years old still got fooled by a man. They may not come true. Meet new people, and make quality friends who youd rather spend time with and make him feel that he is not the ONLY one you have, but a choice you have made to spend some time of your life with. He just had to show up with his stuff. He goes out at night with his friends when his daughter is staying with him, but uses her presence as a reason not to spend time with me, yet he is happy to do Thanksgiving together. Ive tried to initiate intimacy and have been rejected because hes tired. He is in law school, I am getting my masters, and we also partake in a long distance relationship. I am always will to do anything however since I love notice it was only me doing it Ive been reluctant. I think its not enough to say I dont feel like Im a priority. What happened now Millie? Im in school full time until July 2023 and though I have a flex pt job at Amazon, the hours and job itself is so crappy. Im sorry, and I know it can be a really hard thing to do, but you need to leave. My birthday weekend was really rough. But there were also a couple of red flags like he wouldnt make concrete plans with me ahead of time, he would just tell me Saturday afternoon that he was ready for me to come over if I wanted. Hi My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years now and weve lived together for 3.5 of those years. 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