Please fill out all required fields to submit your message. I am not sure if Im still with her for love, for the codependency that has definitely developed or simply because I have been doing this so long I dont know any different, I have almost the exact same problem. Every time we go out she freaks out. I did every single thing that you guys have written here. Its a selfish decision either way. I always stopped everything to help her, to stay hours remind her how she is incredible. From then onwards,my girl friend got suffering from depression slowly.but I was not knowing that and she also didnt share anything to me. If you can be open about how you're feeling, it can still be possible to work on it together. It sounds like you have been a tremendous source of love, strength, and support for your girlfriend in her battle with depression. The yoyo effect lasts only so long and some people need to realize if people wont do something to help themselves there is nothing in this world you can do about it. You might also want to look for a caretakers support group. I tried hard to keep the relationship going, but I was alone in that battle. Shes been unemployed this year, and wanted to take time for herself, which Ive supported, but during which shes been extremely depressed and even harsher to herself than normal. She had many great traits and was amazing in some areas of the relationship which made it hard to think about ending the relationship when I thought I was getting so much out of it. Just stay focused on your ultimate goal with her and never lose site of how she was before depression. Go with her to therapist. Its your natural born right to be happy! I am going through the same. Exactly. I see her every weekend, during the week I keep to myself play video games, homework, go over to a friends for a beer. Sometimes through the foggy clouds of depression its hard to see if a person really likes you, but dont worry too much. Medication treats symptoms, but it doesnt address all of the problems that often underlie depression. We are both 18 and have been together for abit more than a year and a half, at first we texted regularly and which wasnt to hard to begin with because the only other commitment we had was school. We list further resources on this page:https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html, If you would like to get in touch with a therapist, you can search our directory for mental health professionals in your area: goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. But, my girlfriends depression and self loathing is disgusting. I ask if theres someone else, she says no. She looks for a bit of comfort, wants some tea/cuddles and sex. She will text or call me out of blue and tell how much she appreciates my patience with her. Most of her adult life was spent trying to stabilize from bipolarity. I dont want to get to the point of carer for her or to resent her because of her condition. My girlfriend is dragging me back into depression with her own personal problems. Consider suggesting that she talk about these possibilities with her psychiatrist and therapist (if she has one). She questioned our status, then says if we are a couple we should act like one (she is always busy and making plans with friends so I leave her be) which she doesnt like. Still, its all your decision. So it can really, truly suck when you realize your relationship is dragging you down. I started to seek too much attention, because it felt finally a lille bit good to have this attention. In order for her to have a chance at any kind of substantive change and lasting relief, she needs to be working on these issues in therapy. I Feel Helpless! past experiences? Just stay focused on your ultimate goal with her and never lose site of how she was before depression. Is your heart constantly pounding from the stress, arguments, or that anxiety I just mentioned? Smoking and drinking! Especially when theyre attractive they can just bounce around from bf to bf. Very often, when one takes on the role of caretaker, it becomes such a consuming task that the caretaker loses touch with himself/herself. Any thoughts or suggestions would be sincerely appreciated. Im on anti depressants myself but evidently those are for the weak that cant handle reality from her pointof view. And do not try to help, just try to understand. she undergoing medications and therapy but nothing could help her. Lately she has been responding to me uncaringly and uninterested. If I talk in a neutral tone or raise my voice even slightly she says I am scary and becomes inconsolable. I told her to leave him if he keeps bring her down. But how is it possible? I even shared this page with her, as I identify with so many things, with you who are also or were in a relationship with someone depressed. You need to ask is that what you want for the rest of your life. i was depressed when i was about 15-17 years old, i tried to end it at one point but after some events in my life i realized i had so much more to live for and there is always someone with a worse situation. Uffo , I feel like I dont want anything in my life. I just cant take the angry outbursts then the crying then the woe is me attitude over every tiny event. I can know no one would have got solution. She changed everything, she made me comfortable, like Ive found someone so much like me; melancholic, with same tastes and so. Sam is just absolute right, Ive been with the same girlfriend for 8 years, helping her to cope with her anxiety and depression, which are not mild, in return I became a cranky, fearful and highly depressed individual, as soon as she moved in with me the symptoms became severe and everything was somehow my fault, even though we always lived under my expense (before at my parents, now at a house that i pay for literally everything) shes not willing to work or do anything, she always finds an excuse why something wont work out (she has a doctors degree, and she can do a lot of things with that particular degree she simply refuses to always citing some excuse about how its never going to work). She is in a constant state of less sad at the best of times. All I got is she is just a drama queen, there wasnt any problems to become sad. Life is too short to waste time and energy on depressed people. AND finally, when everything feels fine, she doesnt acknowledge anything that happened. Its very common, but you must break the cycle. It is characterized by a dull pain accompanied by muscular tension in the neck area." I also have depression. she is unable to talk to you to achieve closeness because of all she had to deal with in her head so she compensate this lack of connection by wanting more sex (sex is expression of the highest level of acceptance and intimacy with other person after all and you dont have to talk during this action) and when you refuse, because of the depressed state and has low self-esteem that accompanies it, she treats it like rejection. Seeing the change in her every day life and general well-being has been nothing short of a complete shock to me. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. My girlfriend has jealousy along with paranoia, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder and some depression. Im in a LDR myself too although I have never met her IRL. There was a point in my life when it was obvious I needed to address my depression which exposed itself as anger and Ive been waiting 5 years for her to have the same epiphany. I have become very weary, weak and helpless toward her, every piece of support I give her is taken with offence, as an insult of her character or some other negative quam brewed inside her hyperactive mind. She didnt even try to make the effort in keeping the conversation going and Im always the one who care about her when she doesnt give a thought about me and keep immersing herself in her depressive world. I know what it feels like to be distant, but I have extra credit for you because you are near her but yet you still get the cold shoulder. If you would like to talk to a therapist or counselor, you can use our site to locate one in your area. My sleep have been deprived for over 6 months. It pisses me off. You are in a relationship, you two must have had a reason to be with eachother. We kept going on, and little by little she started becoming more and more away from me. I always tell her I enjoy how she is my first thought when i wake up and the last. Hey i am in a LDR and i need your help my gf is also depressed, she doesnt tell the stuff she is going through, yea she tells me most of the things but not that. I cant leave her though because she said she wouldnt be able to live if i left her. If you're being dragged down by your partner, it could be due to cheating, or emotional abuse, or a lack of support. If I ate a regular dinner I felt like it was a huge success. I don't have the same motivation and drive and care about myself like I did when I was single. How do I approach the situation without hurting her feelings/making her feel bad? Every time I look at her pics, I am immediately in love again by seeing her smile but in person all I am thinking of is an exit strategy despite all the caring in the world. I know she deals with her own issues and Ive known for quite some time, but I see it more often now. please help! And probably you wonder why I use past tense when I write. She struggles to make friends and has isolated herself from the world. Same for me. Im there for her and she knows it. She just takes things to seriously when i try to joke around with her which i really can see that she has a real problem to begin with. First two years went well. Before the depression she was great, and we saw each other very often. Take it as a hint that things need to change. It's to the point where her depression is dragging me down with her, though I would never say that to her. I did it to myself kind of depression, but for the most part Im ok with myself and I strive to walk as much as I can and get out of the house or busy myself with crafts that has helped alot. Second, if nothing changes over time let it go. I am fine with this, every self respecting man yearns for space of his own, so to me this was the perfect recipe. She still will randomly text me I love you! The odd time but the girl I felt secure with seems to have left her conscience. He has on multiple occasions told me that he only feels happy, safe and secure around me, and that if it wasnt for me he wouldve killed himself long ago. I feel trapped. Are they really trying to help themselves? Next time you feel like this world is messed, go outside and try something new. Been experiencing something very similar in my relationship, I have been helping my girlfriend with her anxiety and depression for years as well and its been so long that often I feel down and hopeless too. Before this everything was amazing, great relationship, we admitted to each other that we were in love and had fallen head over heals, amazing sex, I really felt like I had found my best friend. I'm just not the same. 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