:) Don't get it twisted, I wait on him hand and foot when he is sick and right away he said he felt a tickle in his throat. My parents would basically tell me to STFU and get my ass to school, so we had very different experiences and understandings of how to react in that situation. Even though we were engaged and had a date set, I still shouldn't have gotten pregnant, and THAT action left me with something that I would have to deal with the rest of my life. So if you want to connect, you will likely be the one to have to bring it up. This morning I woke up with a fever and shakes, miserably curled up under the covers. We had been friends for years and talked here and there. I have that kind of love with my children - simple, all encompassing, comfortable, aware, connected, attentive and involved it is possible to have it and I think it is a normal and natural human endeavor. I mis calculated the drop, my crutches went out from under me, and I fell, landing flat on my back on thecement patio, hard. In all honesty if a man has intentions (honest) true love intentions knowing that you will love his kids, as you love him then you would be first. She was in her second semester of college and was busy with school and work. I told her that as long as I took it slow, I would be OK. My husband didn't offer to help, he just stood there, and I could hear the wheels turning in his head. Submitted by dedelight4 on Sat, 04/15/2017 - 16:40. And I'm also feeling better. Follow this journey on Living Without Limits. It tends to be E>S in females, and S>E in males, and S>E in ADHD regardless of gender. No hugs, kisses, attention, praise, cuddling just for cuddlings sake. Thats About the only time that's not the case is if they've just gone through whatever it is. I am flaberggasted. They ruin too many peoples lives. This has been a transformation in more ways than one. No words. He despises sickness- like it is a form of weakness or something. I'm curious to see a female's perspective on this, especially someone who has been married to see if this holds true. He made everyone pay for me leaving and stayed in the darkness and acted like a brat and victim. That is when he finally paid attention to me and accepted that I was sick. If you do decide children are for you, there are going to be times when you have the barf pooos and you still have to entertain kids, make meals, and continue parenting while I'll. "We can't afford it", but we can't afford to NOT call in someone. But I text him and found out his wife was bipolar and in and out of hospitals. Stubbornness, not listening, victim mentality, and lack of awareness of life in general that gets overwhelming for me, which makes being in a "marriage" even more challenging. Hi. WebNo, that's not normal in a loving marriage. I could be Gisele and it wouldn't change the fact that my H approaches the relationship dishonestly. All I had to do was pay for the meal prep, and pick up the meals. So, when he was telling me "he loved me", it wasn't an IN LOVE, it was just more of a friend love. He called me unsubmissive and unchristian. I wasn't even allowed to adjust my own pillows. You are very caring and shower her with affection and loveYou respect her parents and treat them wellYou respect your wife and support her to achieve her dreamsYour presence makes her feel happy (because she loves you so much)She considers you as her soulmateShe feels safe and secure to be with youShe trust you so muchMore items 2023 ZIFF DAVIS CANADA, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. I agree. Even when it came to the children in those earlier years (aged 8 and under) when they would get the stomach flu, and pails would need emptied, sheets changed, and the long night watch done. Before this point I even got out books on herbal medicine to treat dangerous infections, spent $70 plus buying all the herbs and tinctures and mixed them up for him to take. Your spouse or partner carries on as if nothing is happening while your inner world has changed mentally and physically. The entitlements and abrasive treatment of others. Then he kept telling me I was going to be alright. Thanks a lot!" Pleasure. I know when Im sick I tell my boyfriend to just give me space and let me sleep and have him take over kiddo duty for a bit. It was your plan all along to leave me on my own, wasn't it?!". I want to leave him but my family is against it. My son was also diagnosed with an NK Killer cell deficiency and had a very low count. I signed up for a local meal prep service, where they prepped a few dinners. Make sure he understands how much you like the connectionbut also how hurtful it can be when it's inconsistent. He said he can never be good enough and then turned the tv on and left me alone, the whole night sobbing. If my husband had a stomach bug that lasted a few days and he didnt go to the doctor I would probably be like your wife too. He still isn't getting behavior help for his ADHD, and when I bring it up, he gets frustrated with that, saying I'm focusing too much on the ADHD. When you marry, the two working, bill-paying adults in the house should set the important stuff togetherlike budget, schedule, vacations, house rules. How does someone even DO that? Its your life not theres. And that doctor he threatened to sue likely saved his son's life. Yeap, but there are moments I'm being shitty too so I thought to myself this is just fair. He's afraid someone is going to see that he couldn't 'do this, and it will make him look bad to someone "out there". Why? Everyone understood, his friends, our friends and they wondered why it took me so long. WebWe Damaged Our Relationship When We Forgot to Care For Each Other Then we would take turns blaming each other. Anyway, I digress. I couldn't even keep them down or even water it was so bad and my mom called the Doc back and he said if I couldn't keep the water or pills down to take me into the emergency room? Anyway, I got way off track here. He still chose to run to a young girl fresh out of college, and fun, carefree who didn't know anything about him, who thought he was the most amazing man on earth. Good point. Some people are very loving and caring, others are pretty avoidant. We also had an outdoor wedding to attend two weeks after I broke my foot . He has No responsibility for any of his behavior or actions. Emotionless. I ended up driving myself to the hospital after a bout of painful colitis- three days of complete pain and suffering, did not even miss a day of work. So I don't ask for anything beyond desperate needs. THAT, was fear. My husband thinks it's hilarious to ask when I'll be sexually available again but balks when I ask him for some ice to settle my stomach. Its an open concept house and he's painted the walls all different colors, but again, half done. You should absolutely not expect to be treated as a child by your wife, and don't put your wife in the roll of your mother. They are more important than you are. What does it take to stop running into these types of people? Thankfully, our two children were happy to help me. I hope you left him. All big red flags. You are not important. I have a high pain threshold and never take any days off sick. It is a difficult way to have to be for someone whose nature isbenevolent and caring but it seems thesequalities are manipulated by the ADD spouse making the non spousefeel worthless. Tell her what you would like to see her do or say, what would help you to feel more supported. Do you think being obnoxious made him FOND of me? He didn't take me to the hospital, just put me back to bed. I agree with Melissa's comment that it is good to be independent and emotionally detached, but that can become hollow. I never want to add to our already unconventional relationship or be the fault of making it worse so I do what I can. Ziff Davis, LLC BBB Business Review. The latter makes you miserable (as you know) and relies upon him to 'think of you' at a time when he's otherwise distractedif that makes sense. So Perhaps he would consider reading the free treatment e-book (look in the treatment guide for it) and also consider adding some 'attend time' to his schedule. Was she sick recently and you didn't pay attention? WebFirst we must examine if he is afraid of becoming ill himself as perhaps he has a long history of lacking resilience. If I reclaim my old self that my H fell in love with(although I'm truly not the same person I was then aftet living through hurt, disappointment and lies) and work hard to be gracious at all times and the most interesting woman on earth, I would be hitting his now pleasure/I like this/must be love in the now thing and I might see a move toward connectedness. Can totally relate to your post. A male. I explained that there was no difference really with him coming to bed at 3AM and I was already sleeping alone for YEARS. That can be very hard to do! Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Someone who would listen to MY dreams, and want that for me, as much as I want his dreams and goals for him, and to help each other achieve those, if in our power. There is no shame in that, but again, I think fear is at the root of this issue. Thank you for the commendation. Set up a way for it to not be inconsistent. I hope you left him. Jason and Maria want something entirely different out of the same marriage. Wanting to CONNECT? So pick your battles my friends and learn about yourself in the process. Learning to separate "the behaviour" from "the person", and understanding how those two are and are not connected, is crucial for avoiding bitterness and resentment. Getting mad or saying nasty things when someone is sick or injured suggests the same disorders. registered trademarks of Ziff Davis Canada, Inc. and may not be used by third parties without That's just Not showing care or concern for your spouse when they are sick, or injured is NOT an ADHD trait. And I take. At least in my case, I can be loving, civil and kind now but I also am trying NOT to be needy or co-dependant if he stays at his friends house til 1:40 AM like he did last night, or if he just spends the day watching tv or if he throws a tantrum while driving or if he starts incessantly talking about government conspiracies and how money isn't worth anything, etc. Kids pick up on stuff they're not ****ed. Best of Luck to you all and I look forward to reading your story. Germaphobe type thing? I left work early and took them to hospital, tended them there, brought them home and generally took care of as much as I could to keep them comfortable and on the way to mending throughout. There is no reason under the son a man or woman should be second to anyone when it comes to survival in health, shelter or love period. 50K views, 259 likes, 10 loves, 511 comments, 68 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Dr. Phil: He Eats a Raw Animal Meat Diet #rawmeat #DrPhil #talkshow I am a Marvel hero, as you have said. A true and internal lack of gratitude for his own life that God has granted him, and gratitude for the lives that have been entrusted TO him, which is an honor and which is humbling for the soul who can SEE this fact. I was a great person to be around but the lies hurt and changed me. Commitment, sacrifice, partnering are too boring and difficult..not a part of love to H. Love is only themoment's pleasure to him. It wasnt until recently, after many drawn out, emotional fights with you, that I decided to unpack my suitcase and work through my skeletons. Anyway, so many of us deal with this kind of disconnect that seems completely 100% effin impossible for us to understand. As I'm still not feeling well, I worry I will say something harsh or angry and am looking for advice on how to approach her. No, not really. Overthinking when my DH doesn't even think about it is a waste of good energy. All the mistakes I made after 2013 were not me but the broken woman I had become after all of this indirect abuse. Lack of empathy is an ADHD trait, and needs careful consideration and support from the non-ADHD partner as well. No excuse on either side. He didn't. I helped him in his business, to help ease some of the burden he said he was under. We have no savings, no retirement, and if we sell our house, (which is only 12 years old) it's going to need a ton of work/money to get it sellable. You are not important. An the cycle continues. I learned about myself and learned some hard lessons. Unfortunately, many divorced dads want to be their kids friends and a DisneyDad to them rather than a father. In all these posts and stories, especially in many of the long term marriages, there seems to be a common theme. They wouldn't get angry, but they'd certainly seem "greatly inconvenienced.". , especially in many of us deal with this kind of disconnect seems... But the broken woman I had become after all of this issue in his business, to help.! At 3AM and I was sick rest of the long term marriages there... In all these posts and stories, especially someone who has been a transformation in ways. Was in her second semester of college and was busy with school and.... Certainly seem `` greatly inconvenienced as well paid attention to me and accepted that I was already alone... Wondered why it took me so long nasty things when someone is sick or injured suggests same. 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Me back to bed at 3AM and I was already sleeping alone for.... Forgot to Care for Each Other then we would take turns blaming Each Other that doctor he threatened to likely... Even think about it is a form of weakness or something or be the to. Other then we would take turns blaming Each Other two weeks after I broke my.!
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